To Be At Zen

I breathe in.. I breathe out..
I visualize the light flowing in through my mouth 
The dark flowing out from my nose.
I quiet my mind and listen.
Breathing in
Breathing out
I feel the ground beneath me
I flow to the rhythmic beat living within the moment
Time becomes no time
There is no past and no future, only NOW
Visions paint pictures and imprint upon my soul
There is peace.
There is  love
There is connection
In this moment
I am whole.

I feel "right"when I meditate. The visions bring answers to questions pertaining to my daily life and I stroll around in the vision looking and listening to the message... I am at Zen. Zen is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as: a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation. Zen teaches that the potential to achieve enlightenment is inherent in everyone but lies dormant because of ignorance. It is best awakened not by the study of scripture, the practice of good deeds, rites and ceremonies, or worship of images, but by breaking through the boundaries of mundane logical thought. 

I am not a Buddhist. I am not any one religion. I am Dona. I choose to visit all religions and love the spiritual teachings living within. I recognize the word Zen as a way to feel enlightened and connected with the deep nuances belonging to spirituality. When I am At Zen... I am connected. I am surrounded with light and life and beauty. The intensity is, well...intense and almost over-powering... I revel in what I feel with rejoicing! 

In my Massage Room, I become At Zen. As clients come in to see me, I breathe in and intend to touch with healing and love. I reach to the Light and feel the love flow through my head to my heart and connect with my hands as I touch my clients. The body begins to talk to my hands and I "know" what needs to be done. I "know" what needs to be said. I cannot heal my clients. I can be a conduit for healing. I am able to bring awareness to another soul which enables a healing. I cannot promise what the healing is. I do not take healing's responsibility. Healing will happen as healing needs to happen. The soul. The body. The mind. Personal life. 
Healing and Massage work is my peace. 

and then, 

I go home. My mom lives with me. I have a 13 year old son. Need I say more!!! Okay, I am laughing. 
Daily, I will receive a text from either my son, or my mother complaining about what one or the other is doing. These two people will argue and fight and about almost anything. As soon as I enter the door to my home, I have to settle the dispute. I lose my Zen. I lose my patience. I lose my rationality and become angry. All the high vibrations of love and forgiveness shatter and fizzle down to the lowest of the low and I begin to yell out my frustration at their inability to "get along"!!! 
 I was placing my Zen loss on them. I gave them the blame of my actions to their actions. 

How is this reaction one of a woman who LOVES and works in the Healing realm? 
My reaction to the situation on the home front directly resonates to how my son and mother react to me. I have learned, to be at Zen in a place where there is no CHAOS. 
Now, I am to learn how to be at Zen within CHAOS. 

I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago. Twenty years ago, he was a Sailsboat salesman. He traveled the world on a boat. Visiting uninhabited islands and meditating to the sun and ocean on either the island or in the middle of the ocean on the boat. What he said to me, made perfect sense. "it is easy to be at Zen when you are alone on a boat, meditating. To incorporate Zen when I am back at home, is not as easy."  
I considered what he said. My massage room is my boat on the ocean. My Zen is easy to maintain in my place of beauty. 
I decided, to begin practicing my Zen to a higher vibrational degree on the home front while dealing with daily life. 
Breathing in Light
Breathing out Dark...
prior to any words coming out of my mouth. I will seek the light and feel the energy and "Know" exactly what to say. I trust the Light and Intuition while working on other people's lives and bodies... How is it, that I do not do the same in my life, for my family and my own healing? How is it, I have made my life to be less than those I am working on? How do I claim to be a Healer and drive a wedge in my own life? 

My vibrational frequency is my responsibility. My Zen is my responsibility. I cannot place the blame on any other soul for my reaction. My reactions are mine. 

Balancing my light and dark side, is not simple. 
I am always in session with mySelf and learning how to BE....
One of these days, I will get it RIGHT!! ;)