I remember the pulsing, sweaty, exciting and exhilarating running up the mountains in Arkansas. Heavy breathing and heart pounding in my head with the burn living under my skin and if I could push on, push on...I knew the sweat would pour from my scalp and down my nose as my breathing evened out. Freedom lives in the run. Yes. Freedom lives in the run.
Why am I so anxious?
Years have gone by and I have not run up a mountain. I have not actually RUN in years. I have joined a group of RUNNERS who are supportive to the beginners. Supportive to the Walkers.
Why am I so anxious?
Facing mySELF and my inability to be successful in this realm is emotional. I lie down at night and my heart begins to race. Pounding hard against my chest, I breathe deeply and soon feel like I am hyperventilating. Sleep evades my night. I sit up and meditate. I cannot meditate when my heart is pounding.
STRIKE 2
I cannot sleep
I cannot meditate
OMmmmmmmm
OMmmmmmmm
NOT happening.
I am anxious. What if I hold someone back from a run?
What if I make someone feel like walking with me is mandatory?
STOP! Those are pretend conversations. Imagined FEARS. STOP!!!
Truth is, I cannot keep up. Not yet.
I don't like not being able to keep up. I don't like feeling like this.
And, I know.... the only way to be able to keep up is to be the one who cannot keep up.
Practice makes perfect, or at least better and knowing I must persevere does not make the anxiety go away.
Change Fucking hurts, dude.
Not the body. I can deal with the body changes.
The emotional changes are the most painful.
I don't want to fail.
I am envisioning a WereWolf. Once they go through the change, they are fine. The change is rough. Transitioning from human to wolf is bone breaking and mind numbing. Once the change is complete the wolf moves into graceful action. Graceful as a Gazelle or graceful as a Wolf hunting down a Gazelle.
Ok...so, I watch too many of those sci-fi shows with my son and yet, the change is similar.
Do I have the guts to do the impossible?
Do I have the ability to make such a dramatic change and become the Wolf chasing the Gazelle?
I do not want to stand still while the world moves by.
I want to feel the transformation occur.
I want the thrill to enthrall me!
so....again....
Why am I so anxious?
At worst, I will become a runner.
At best, I will become a runner.
OMG, These Runners.....
yeah, one day...that will be me.
Why am I so anxious?
Years have gone by and I have not run up a mountain. I have not actually RUN in years. I have joined a group of RUNNERS who are supportive to the beginners. Supportive to the Walkers.
Why am I so anxious?
Facing mySELF and my inability to be successful in this realm is emotional. I lie down at night and my heart begins to race. Pounding hard against my chest, I breathe deeply and soon feel like I am hyperventilating. Sleep evades my night. I sit up and meditate. I cannot meditate when my heart is pounding.
STRIKE 2
I cannot sleep
I cannot meditate
OMmmmmmmm
OMmmmmmmm
NOT happening.
I am anxious. What if I hold someone back from a run?
What if I make someone feel like walking with me is mandatory?
STOP! Those are pretend conversations. Imagined FEARS. STOP!!!
Truth is, I cannot keep up. Not yet.
I don't like not being able to keep up. I don't like feeling like this.
And, I know.... the only way to be able to keep up is to be the one who cannot keep up.
Practice makes perfect, or at least better and knowing I must persevere does not make the anxiety go away.
Change Fucking hurts, dude.
Not the body. I can deal with the body changes.
The emotional changes are the most painful.
I don't want to fail.
I am envisioning a WereWolf. Once they go through the change, they are fine. The change is rough. Transitioning from human to wolf is bone breaking and mind numbing. Once the change is complete the wolf moves into graceful action. Graceful as a Gazelle or graceful as a Wolf hunting down a Gazelle.
Ok...so, I watch too many of those sci-fi shows with my son and yet, the change is similar.
Do I have the guts to do the impossible?
Do I have the ability to make such a dramatic change and become the Wolf chasing the Gazelle?
I do not want to stand still while the world moves by.
I want to feel the transformation occur.
I want the thrill to enthrall me!
so....again....
Why am I so anxious?
At worst, I will become a runner.
At best, I will become a runner.
OMG, These Runners.....
yeah, one day...that will be me.
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