Gemini Full Moon

December's Full Moon

A time to....
Embrace me
Quiet myself to listen to others
Take time to go within and listen to my inner nature and inner wisdom
Break Vows

This Moon, I have experienced a deeper understanding of how I receive love and affection. I have limited the amount I allow in.

Limitations, I always say,
Life is limitless. 
Everything is Possible.
Yet, I place a limit on accepting love.
 Love accepted, has to be on my terms...
I am afraid of being hurt.

In this Full Moon Ceremony, I have brought forth my vows. The Contracts I signed for mySelf, many years ago...Today, I break these vows...

I rescind any and all vows and contracts I have taken and anyone within my genetic makeup has taken, pertaining to...

Forgetting who I am

Participating within limitations

Making limitation real

Ignoring Spirit

Any parasites, bacteria, fungi, viruses

or anything which feeds upon my body or being 

and is not aligned with my highest good

Denying myself

I vowed to Never Trust anyone

     In doing so, I lost faith

I vowed to never Love anyone

     In unloving, I lost Grace

I vowed to be Strong

     In Strength, I became weak

I vowed to be courageous 

     My courage was fake

I vowed to be devoted to MySelf

     My devotion soured my learning potential

I vowed to respect MySelf

     And I did, under a covering of Truth

I vowed to have HOPE

     My hope was draped with limitations

I break these vows, NOW and In This Moment.

I Cut the ties, given

These vows were made within a limited space and time and on

This day, this hour, this minute and down to the second,  are no longer valid.

This Contract was fulfilled and NOW the time is come to be reWritten.

This Moon is The Long Night Moon, The Cold Moon, The Dark Moon and The Elder Moon...

A time to realign Spirit with Soul and Body.

A new contract

Another Veil lifted from my eyes...

A time to say Thank you and flow with Limitlessness!!!!

I embrace the dualities in life...

The Positive with the Negative... 

Fear can bite my ass.

I went outside, barefoot this evening and let my feet sink into the soil. Well, sink into the frozen ground until my feet were so cold they began to burn... Needless to say, my Full moon spiel while under the light of the FULL Moon, lasted possibly a minute... 

I let my heart speak, raised my arms toward the light and felt the vows and contract lift up and away...broken and shattered...I have room for new contracts, Vows written without fear.

Vows written with love and trust. This time, I will take my time and trust my inner wisdom to take the spiritual pen and sign my name upon the trust for the future of my lineage... 

Namaste

The Bad Rim Job

Yesterday morning, I awoke to a flat tire.

This is the beginning of the bad rim job story.
This is the beginning of the lesson belonging to my mother's role in my life.

Yes, I have been struggling with accepting her affection; her love..I don't know how to accept those emotions, from her or from anyone, really...and now, I am learning...Acceptance has always been there, my perception to how I accept affection has been tainted. This Bad Rim Job is showing me how I am able to change MY perception to MY acceptance of affection.

My mom sent me a text message to tell me my the left back tire on my car, was flat. My response, "OK, Fuck!"
I was hoping she was wrong. Yeah, She was not wrong. I looked out the window and sure enough, my back left tire was flat. I made a little coffee and a little breakfast, sat down to eat and asked my mom to help me change the tire so I could take the tire up and get it fixed a a local tire shop.

Here is where my perception is screwed. I didn't ask to borrow her truck. I automatically assumed she would let me use her truck. She immediately put on warmer clothes to help me with the tire changing. No questions, not grumpiness... she simply helped me, because I asked. I accepted her help, easily. Am I able to accept her affection, just as easily...why have I made this sooooo difficult?

With teamwork, we were able to get the tire off of the car. I rolled the tire to her truck and threw it in the back. She gave me her keys and away I went.
No questions. I accepted her keys. I accepted her truck. This is easy. Accepting the physical parts of life. The reality is, even though I do not feel like I take advantage of situations, I do take advantage of her love for me. I expect her love to be there even when I do not accept her affection.

My childhood is not blurry. I did receive a limited amount of affection. The crazy thing, is...there was also a limited amount of physical items. Why do I make receiving the physical aspects of life easy, when the emotional is more fulfilling. Have I become superficial? I don't believe so, but... I have made affection's reception, superficial.

So, here I am. Driving my mom's pick up truck to the tire shop. The tire guy says, "sorry, this tire is not fixable, but I do have a used tire I can sell you, for $40." I smile and nod in agreement. Sigh with relief and go sit in the truck to wait...Five minutes later, the tire guy comes to the truck window and lets me know that he cannot fix the tire due to the rim. The rim is bent and a tire will not seal on a bent rim. He gives me the information to purchase a new/used rim or to have my rim fixed. the cost is between $110-$125... I cried. lots of tears. Frustrated. Extremely frustrated. I have so much faith in how the Universe provides and then something new comes along and BAM... I cry, because I get tired of the trouble. I am tired of money problems. I am tired of working so hard and spending money on car repair. Meanwhile, my mom texted to find out how everything was going and I let her know. I didn't mention to her that the rim had to be purchased at another location and upon arrival at home, she was ready to come out and help put the tire back on my car.

Here, once again...she was prepared to help me. I stormed passed her, went to my bedroom and began making calls to places for a new/used rim and to a place to repair my bad rim. I decided to go with the business that straightens bent rims. I went out to the kitchen and told my mom what was going on and that I needed to drive to Blue Springs to drop the rim off and then I would head on to work. I, of course was crying and fuming at my lack of luck and she said, "Dona, calm down."... really. Seriously. Do not tell me to calm down. I proceeded to let her know that I was not yelling at her, my tears are a response to my anger and stress at the situation and I needed to feel this emotion, to get passed the emotion.

Here, once again is where my perception is screwed. Why is the response to anger and frustration or stress easier to accept than affection or love? I am able to deal with all the other emotions in my life and yet, I choose to bypass love and affection. Writing this, is beginning to change how I perceive affection. Awareness is the beginning. The Bad Rim Job is teaching me one heck of a lesson. Okay, so I am crying, real tears...

Back to the Rim. I dropped it off and went to work, finished work and drove home. My Rim was supposed to be ready this morning. I called work to let them know I would be late. I intended on picking up the rim and  taking it back to the tire place and having that used tire mounted and going home to put the tire on the car and head into work. Seemed simple enough, until I called the Rim place. I was told my Rim was not only bent, but cracked and they would have to order in another rim. The new rim will not be in until sometime this afternoon.

I cried a few tears and considered how lucky I really am. I could have had a blow out or the rim could  have broken while I was driving and none of this happened. I am safe. My son is safe. My life is intact. So, I have to get a new rim and a new/used tire. Learn a lesson about affection/love and how my perception has been screwed. I am able to sigh with real relief. I am thankful for all the good things happening in my life. I am thankful for the Bad Rim Job.

Next, I will actually accept the affection/love which has always been there...by altering my perception.

And, hopefully....my tire will be all good by at least tomorrow. 

December New Moon

This New Moon is of Awakening and Acknowledging our potential and the negativity holding us back.
Currently what is holding me back, is the relationship I have with my mother. Her role in my life is changing and I am at a place where I must truly forgive her and offer a mother/daughter reunion.
I have not been able to get past MYSELF to ascend to the higher realm, energetically. This non-relationship is holding me back. Keeping me in a place where there is no trust and a lack of nurturing.
This is my release. Release MySelf into the fullness of who I truly am.  See, I cannot change her. I can change my response to her being. She and I need to become a mother and daughter once again. So that I trust in fullness, my heart and receive the nurturing of others.

Last month, I was reminded of my strength and how capable I am in this life...This month, I look toward what makes me excited about the future.
New Friendships
Developing Relationships
Business expansion with monetary growth

I am grateful for being able to make this life work in the meaningful ways of ME.
I am grateful for the energy I feel with my Lovers
And excited to see what the future holds
I am grateful for my mom, being in my life and helping to her ability
I am grateful for my son, who pleases me with his skill and love of life
I am grateful for the Abundance and Faith of being taken care of
All is provided, ALWAYS
I am grateful for my health and well being

I call out to the energy all around us
I seek wisdom tempered with mercy
Comforted with Grace that I walk forth with strength in my decisions
Protected by guidance
I surround myself with Love, Protection and Wisdom so that when I speak, I speak from the beginning of Time
I speak with Creation and Gratitude and Faith
All will be done and all will be well

I vow to myself to remain true to the gratefulness within and without

I banish the negativity

For this moment is New
a New cycle of Potential Manifestation
Planting my seeds of Intention....

12/02/13

Where Souls Meet

The winter wind blows
Cold, chilling bones and clattering teeth
Lips dry
Licking them
Freezing them and burning
Fingertips cold
And toes aching
Where is the hearth
Where is the hot Apple Cider
To warm my heart?
Hot fire and cold floor
Warm hands facing the fire
Smoke rising outside
Happy smiles inside
Rose red cheeks burning
Hot breath and cold teeth
Eyes touching,
This is where souls meet.


Sometimes I feel soooooo alone
In a room full of people
Knowing them...they are strangers to me
I turn off, so I do not feel.
I turn off so I remain unattached
I keep my inside quiet and still
I don't want to burden anyone
With an unwanted friendship
I don't know how to be part of anyone else
All I have ever wanted is to be loved
The way I love
And in this,
I am afraid.
I am afraid of being let down, again
I count on myself, always
Only MYSELF
People come in to play a role
For a moment
And the moment is surreal
I cherish the moment
Holding tight to my soul
Lest I forget when the role ends
I feel weary
I feel wary

I loved a man once
Who was an illusion of what I want
His greatest illusion in life
The facade of GREAT LOVE
He took the illusion and shattered me
Shattered my soul
The pieces are slowly coming together
I see great love in the fractured parts
Shattered parts forming a picture
I am empty, So empty
I don't want to be empty anymore
I am to be filled
I want to be full

The October full moon reminded me of this aloneness I created in my life. I spoke my words out to the bright moon and released the emotion... I released the hearts I broke due to my "love" fear...
We poured wine into a chalice and raised the cup to the moon and the moon shined down upon the cup. My lovers and I gave each other a drink and we embraced to the freedom to give and receive love...

Intuition

I love to follow my intuition. I love the feeling of knowing I am doing the right thing, even if I really don't want to do the thing. Time goes by and life happens. Money is made and money is burned. Everyone requires money to make the world go round. Who am I to deprive anyone of hard earned money. I honor those who pay me and I hope those I pay, honor me as well.

My car. Oh, my car needs more work. I have put lots of money into this car, but... I really don't want a car payment right now. Today, my car did not pass inspection. I need new control arms and a wheel bearing assembly kit on one of the tires... dang thing is wobbling... very dangerous. I used my intuition to pick the place where I would have the inspection done. I feel good about my decision. I did, however leave the place in tears. I was frustrated and unhappy about the work needing to be done and I was ready to go look at new cars...but, really... I don't want to pick out a new car because of my car's problem. I don't want to be upset and try to find a new car. So, I went for a drive and had some lunch... relaxed and cried again, only to come to the conclusion that my intuition is saying, let this guy fix my car.

I could have someone else do it and the work would be cheaper... parts and no labor... which is nice and appreciated, but something tells me that I need to have this done by this particular shop and just use the money I received as a bonus to get the work done.

I feel peaceful about my decision.

Sometimes, we don't want to follow our intuition because of how the intuitive awareness may reflect our wallet. This is where faith comes into action. Faith in the intuition and knowing all will be well! Life is not easy. Making money and keeping the bills paid, is not easy. Yet, this is a fact of our lives and we have to do this thing called MONEY... 

Vagina Voice

Woman tho I am,
Feel me sing
Listen to me dream
Woman tho I am.

What is the vagina voice?
I am a woman.
I have a voice with a dream
I have a need with a purpose
I have a desperation with an exact intent
What does my voice say?
What did my voice do?
My vagina has needs
Not all are sexual needs
My love connects from my vagina to my heart
When I breastfed my son, I felt a pleasure inside my vagina.  Not a sexual pleasure, a satisfied pleasure. Something right was happening. The pleasure traveled up to my heart and warmth poured out as I embraced my nursing child.  This love is a deep love, a fulfilling pleasure.  How often do we grasp for this love, this pleasure and we are not sated. We close or heart to the pleasure of love and the voice.  We accept the in-adequate feeling convincing ourselves THIS is acceptable.  THIS is what I get.  THIS is what I deserve.
We do not speak with our vagina voice.  We don't say, "I need to feel"..." I need more "...
I want to feel you touch my heart while you touch my vagina.  Touch my mind, soul and physical body all at the same time.
Speak from your vagina.  Speak from your intuition and your pleasure center, feel your heart sing out from your vagina.

LOVE and Live with pleasure... 

5/20/13

Hunter's Moon

Here I am, considering this Moon.. The Hunter's moon~the Blood Moon, and I look at what is sacrificed in this life, for me and I have come to the conclusion the sacrifice is the the "dollar".
I do not have to hunt or gather, but I do work to earn money for this life and the preservation of my home.
I am ever thankful for this sacrifice. I am thankful for the sacrifice of others, who pay me for the work I do. I honor you. I honor your sacrifice which enables me to make a home for my family.

I release the unnecessary clutter to build for what is necessary. Fall time is for gathering provisions for the winter time, the cold and barren time. I release the non-essential items in my household so that I am prepared for the coming time.

I am calling Balance in to being so that my outer and inner life are one.

While I was reflecting, I began to hunt out my fears. I am afraid, just a little and sometimes I doubt myself. I have these amazing dreams of changing lives while publicly speaking and writing this book to raise energetic awareness~~~I often hide behind the smile~~~ I release the fear so that I may receive the confidence to begin the end of my current goals.

Another one I am hunting, is the fear of love, receiving love. I do not know how to receive love without being afraid of becoming meaningless. So many times, the love I have given has been meaningless. I release this fear so that I might receive the love and give the love in return.

My future is hiding in my past, in seed form. I will meditate upon this and find the seed so that I am able to nurture, help, protect and watch my future blossom into a tree.

I had this amazing vision the other morning. Intense is almost the word for what I felt. I felt my lovers need to feel me accept their energy. They were filling me with all that they are and I was receiving and giving all that I am… Convulsing, I felt as if I was birthing a new reality. A world born from within my womb. The three became one. The Trine. Life everlasting to the whole of spirituality. What they gave me and what I gave to them created life and suddenly I felt all the possibilities in life. Endless possibilities. Creation is energy combined. What we all give, we all receive. Not what we give, but something new and evolved, AWAKE and TRANSFORMED…

This vision heightened my awareness… I feel more awake and ready for the coming changes.

Now, I will light some incense and give say my words of honor and sacrifice to the full moon….

Namaste…