To Be At Zen

I breathe in.. I breathe out..
I visualize the light flowing in through my mouth 
The dark flowing out from my nose.
I quiet my mind and listen.
Breathing in
Breathing out
I feel the ground beneath me
I flow to the rhythmic beat living within the moment
Time becomes no time
There is no past and no future, only NOW
Visions paint pictures and imprint upon my soul
There is peace.
There is  love
There is connection
In this moment
I am whole.

I feel "right"when I meditate. The visions bring answers to questions pertaining to my daily life and I stroll around in the vision looking and listening to the message... I am at Zen. Zen is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as: a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation. Zen teaches that the potential to achieve enlightenment is inherent in everyone but lies dormant because of ignorance. It is best awakened not by the study of scripture, the practice of good deeds, rites and ceremonies, or worship of images, but by breaking through the boundaries of mundane logical thought. 

I am not a Buddhist. I am not any one religion. I am Dona. I choose to visit all religions and love the spiritual teachings living within. I recognize the word Zen as a way to feel enlightened and connected with the deep nuances belonging to spirituality. When I am At Zen... I am connected. I am surrounded with light and life and beauty. The intensity is, well...intense and almost over-powering... I revel in what I feel with rejoicing! 

In my Massage Room, I become At Zen. As clients come in to see me, I breathe in and intend to touch with healing and love. I reach to the Light and feel the love flow through my head to my heart and connect with my hands as I touch my clients. The body begins to talk to my hands and I "know" what needs to be done. I "know" what needs to be said. I cannot heal my clients. I can be a conduit for healing. I am able to bring awareness to another soul which enables a healing. I cannot promise what the healing is. I do not take healing's responsibility. Healing will happen as healing needs to happen. The soul. The body. The mind. Personal life. 
Healing and Massage work is my peace. 

and then, 

I go home. My mom lives with me. I have a 13 year old son. Need I say more!!! Okay, I am laughing. 
Daily, I will receive a text from either my son, or my mother complaining about what one or the other is doing. These two people will argue and fight and about almost anything. As soon as I enter the door to my home, I have to settle the dispute. I lose my Zen. I lose my patience. I lose my rationality and become angry. All the high vibrations of love and forgiveness shatter and fizzle down to the lowest of the low and I begin to yell out my frustration at their inability to "get along"!!! 
 I was placing my Zen loss on them. I gave them the blame of my actions to their actions. 

How is this reaction one of a woman who LOVES and works in the Healing realm? 
My reaction to the situation on the home front directly resonates to how my son and mother react to me. I have learned, to be at Zen in a place where there is no CHAOS. 
Now, I am to learn how to be at Zen within CHAOS. 

I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago. Twenty years ago, he was a Sailsboat salesman. He traveled the world on a boat. Visiting uninhabited islands and meditating to the sun and ocean on either the island or in the middle of the ocean on the boat. What he said to me, made perfect sense. "it is easy to be at Zen when you are alone on a boat, meditating. To incorporate Zen when I am back at home, is not as easy."  
I considered what he said. My massage room is my boat on the ocean. My Zen is easy to maintain in my place of beauty. 
I decided, to begin practicing my Zen to a higher vibrational degree on the home front while dealing with daily life. 
Breathing in Light
Breathing out Dark...
prior to any words coming out of my mouth. I will seek the light and feel the energy and "Know" exactly what to say. I trust the Light and Intuition while working on other people's lives and bodies... How is it, that I do not do the same in my life, for my family and my own healing? How is it, I have made my life to be less than those I am working on? How do I claim to be a Healer and drive a wedge in my own life? 

My vibrational frequency is my responsibility. My Zen is my responsibility. I cannot place the blame on any other soul for my reaction. My reactions are mine. 

Balancing my light and dark side, is not simple. 
I am always in session with mySelf and learning how to BE....
One of these days, I will get it RIGHT!! ;)

Last New Moon (March)(Pisces)

The New Moon in Pisces brought me to a place of awareness. I often create goals which are wonderful, yet so long ranged...I have a difficult time completing them in a decent timespan.

I decided to make some short term goals which are achievable, calculable, and completely doable.
I WILL achieve weight loss.
10 lbs in 30 days
At lease 3 inches lost at waist, hips and bust...

I will Run 1 mile (without huffing and puffing)
20  pushups
20 squats
and 5 minute planks...

I will remind myself, daily...
I am FIT and LUSCIOUS
My body is toned
and well maintained.

I rechecked my weight and inches at the 1st quarter moon, which was on Saturday night...
I have lost an inch around my waist, hips, and bust... and around my thighs...
and 2lbs... YEAH!! I am on the right path...
My running has become less huff and puff...and my endurance for the the complete workout has become much better!

*********************************************************************************

I also decided to check to see where Pisces was in my Chart and use this as a type of classroom...
Pisces is in my 10th house.
The 10th house has to do with social status/career..
Learning to Serve
Within the Mystical Realm to those in need..

Midheaven has to do with Goal Completion within my line of work. I have learned to balance stress within my career and I tend to take the backseat and do more for others than I do for myself.
I am seeing how I need to focus on MY aspirations and work on my needs... for balance..
My helping others often overwhelms the helping for myself.
*I am working toward harmonizing with spiritual clarity.

My Lilith is also in Pisces..
Lilith shows Dreams, fantasies, utopia, infinity, good friend, intuitive, and addictive personality...
She is a shapeshifter who is typically in the shadows.. well, Lilith in Pisces and Pisces in my 10th house, she likes to be seen.. My shadows are not hidden... LOL.. go figure.
Her Power is in Building up
Her Poison is in breaking down...
My learning is the balance for Truth...


Above all...My life is seeking balance.
I am good to my friends and loved ones...often I am so good that I put my Life on hold... I begin to look at what matters most to them and forget what matters most to me. This, is not a balanced life. My balance is rocking on this boat and I don't know how to keep her from sinking.

so, today... I feel kinda sad.
I recognize the unbalance... I am glad I am able to "see"... and begin to add support beams to my life.
I will update again as time progresses.
Namaste...

Full Moon In Leo

A Passionate Full Moon...
To consider my conditions and limitations of Love-my barriers.

Too often I fall into the energy trap. I feel the energy of another person and make the energy mine.
I swear, I am kinda like a succubus. ----only---I begin to lose what I want for the sake of the other...
The energy draws me in and I no longer matter, to myself as much as the other person.

This Full Moon, I let go of the Mask of Happiness.
To wear the energy of another soul and forget yourself, this is not happiness.

Over the years I conditioned myself for other peoples happiness.
~~~I release this conditioning~~~
I've placed a barrier around my heart.
~~~I release this barrier~~~

My releasing ceremony was short. While driving to the pick up a friend at the airport, I spoke my Releases to the Wind.
The Wind carried them away and then I considered what I want.

I had a vision of myself, my higher self. She is with her Soul Companion, now. There has never been a hurry to unite us in the physical realm because we are already united.

I seek what I already have. I will not be completely satisfied in a relationship until we are physically united.

So, until the time happens....I will continue my path of meeting people touching lives and letting them touch mine.

My soul Purpose is not yet complete.

My Love for everyone is not yet complete.

Love is the Message
I see the energy of love everywhere
Love is Sacred, Eternal
How often do we forget how to love?
The EX-Boyfriend/Girlfriend
The EX anyone.
You loved them, once.
What made you stop?
What changed for you?
How do you suddenly stop sending love?
I consider love
I love people
Even those who hurt me
I love them because I did, do and will always
Not everyone has the capability to love
And send the energy as I do
Forgiveness is a daily practice
Loving is a daily practice

Love is a most compassionate
Exquisite pain
Beautiful and Solid
Ephemeral andUnique
Touching and Breathing
Know this
I always Love You
I always Love You
I always Do. 

Today's Vision

I am emotional. 

I wonder, where is my person?

I reached out to the Light and asked.

I saw a most beautiful female, filled with radiant power mixed with compassion

She held her left hand to her midriff pointing down and her right hand above her head trickling light and comfort down to me…

This light and comfort fell upon my head and infused my core being. 

I watched my heart being squeezed and scrubbed. 

Cleansed and the old blood forced out to make room for the new. 

I watched the light go through me and scrub where I am dark

Clean where I am fearful….

I asked again, why am I alone? Where is MY love?

She showed me a line of people who love me. 

People whose lives I have touched and been an amazing part of…

They all love me and I love them. 

The line was endless before me and beyond me. 

I looked within myself, and considered love…

I don’t know…and that is all, I do not know.

I need the sunrise and the sunset. 

The tender touch and the iron fist

I looked to her again and asked,

What did I ask for, in this life?

Did I ask for this?

To be a healer .. to be alone? 

To love so many and be loved in return without having a connection?

and then, my client came out of my massage room and said to me. 

My mom is dying of cancer and her time is close. 

I needed this, today

This is nice, to receive and not have to give…

You have to be receiving from someone to be able to give so much…

Tears fell from my eyes. I am still crying.

I do not know how to be any other way. 

I am compassionate

I give

I give

I give

I feel good about all I am 

the answer, is no… I do not receive very often. 

My source is the Highest source.. I go to the Light. 

I go to my inner realm, to the place where time does not exist

and there, I seek my help. 

There, I seek my soul…

I seek guidance and healing with the source of all connections

and there…in the inner realm, I am connected. 

Preparing for the Full Moon

A Cancer full moon... Cancer brings to mind the home.. and family...begging the question, Where do you belong?

Rather, Where do I belong? 

I am an earth shattering life shaker. 

I slip into lives and slip out, leaving memories. 

I hug and give all I am able

Until the fear comes, and I run

I have been doing the moon ceremonies to address, ME... 

my dark side, the woman tho I am...

I am darkness surrounded with glittering light

Glittering light reflects other's light

Reflecting darkness, and I see

Behold! Gaze upon the magic, I see

Gaze upon the light

See into the dark places

Can you find a home, for me?

How can I belong, when I see all I see...

Today, while working with energy

A vision of strings bound to my corded life

SNIPPED, and the stringy tendrils 

began bonding with a new set of strings

Forming a new cord, a new path

A line of broken strings behind me

A line of strings ahead of me

How many paths are set before me

How many lives must I be, loved in?

How many homes must I be a part of?

Words came to my heart, soul

You have been given a new path

Based upon all you have chosen

There are many paths and many ways for you

To Ascend, 

To not Ascend and remain...

I choose to Ascend

I choose to touch lives 

I am an Earth Shattering Life Shaker

I am bonded to the light

I am bonded to the dark

I am a seer of life

Beginnings and Endings

I see multitudinous pathways 

I am not able to lie still 

My life is a reflection 

Let us grow and Ascend

Let us reflect one another

My home is within me

Silent and still

The moment before the sunrise

The moment time stands awaiting the awesome light

There is where I am

The moment when Night and Day greet

My limitless home

I am home

New Moon for the New Year

01/01/14

I prepared for the New Moon with a few days of Meditative silence. I burned the roses of a relationship, past and surrounded myself with becoming empty so that I may be filled.

The New Moon in Capricorn  is a time to plant symbolic seeds within the fresh fertile soil of the subconscious. In order to plant, you must first prepare the soil and clear out debris then, add in the nutrients.

Letting go paves the way for REBIRTH and aligning with quality and integrity!!!
This is a time to BE who you ARE~~~

Create your REALITY with thoughts, words and behavior!
Ask yourself, are you the Victor or the Victim???

I considered all the good that came from 2013

• I am not controlled by fear
• Trusting my inner voice
• Establishing a better maternal thing with my mom
• Paying my car off
• Released negative relationship issues
• New Clientele
• Public Poetry Reading
• Reaped Friendships
• Trusting, it is OKAY to "not know" and be at ease with the moment
• Blogging
• a relationship

I acknowledge all these as good and then asked myself, What good will come by 2014's end???
What will I manifest?

• a leaner and fit body
• New and more clientele
• Business expansion
• Public Speaking
• Health and Wellness
• Aligned with quality and integrity
• To "know" how to belong
• A commitment

I cleared my soil. The old debris, gone and in it's place is Healthy soil with fertile drops of love, hope and clearance to move forward...
My past vows, broken and New energy to replace what was not working...

My Seeds of Manifestation:

• Love
• Health and Fitness
• Wealth
• Whole Relationships

I am breathing with contentment. Peaceful at what will come of the days ahead.

With fire and air mixed with water fair... the earth does move.
and so, it is....

Waning Moon, The Roses

A few days ago I decided I needed to burn  my dead roses.

They were given to me on my birthday last year. The year I turned 39. They were given on the evening of a date.

The date was a preempt to sex. A sexual relationship. I dried the flowers and put them in a vase for display. I love dead roses.

The"relationship" began to deepen and the other party did not want a deeper relationship with me. This was a "taboo" relationship...I had to keep the sexual relationship a secret.

And, of course...it ended...

I have kept the display, and every time I see the roses, I consider what could have been and  remember the words spoken... the feeling of being involved and how it felt so right and good... the emotions were a lie. A big fat lie.

Every time I look at them, I fell the energy of the"let down" ... I let myself down. I let myself fall into the emotions webserver I knew the whole thing was only supposed to be sex...

I've gotten passed this...yet the energy remains...and I know burning the roses will be a wonderful way to release the negativity about relationships.

Every time I see the roses I am instantly reminded of every foiled relationship..I have grown passed this and need the energy gone...

And, so it is done...
With fire, air, water and sent to the sky..
Incense purge me, while the air folks me with NEW..

Releasing...
To be filled...