The Woman In Me

The woman in me is rearing her ugly head.
The Moody woman
The Emotional Woman
The Woman who feels everything deeply
The Woman who wants to cry uncontrollably
The Woman who wants to hide
The Woman who is tired of hiding
The Woman who wants and is tired of wanting
Oh, to the woman inside me
She is simmering on an open fire
She is burning
She is burning
Tears fall down turning to steam
Before they hit the ground

Dance Woman
Sing your words
Tell your story
So all can be heard
Rage Woman
Cry Woman
Sing Woman
Dance Woman
Love Woman
Feel Woman

The Woman in me is Free
© 2014 Dona Lackey

Flower Moon

The night prior to the full moon I meditated with open drapes as the moon light caressed my skin.
Love.
Everything boils down to love. Love is my loss. Even now as I type these words tears fill my eyes. This truth is not easily accepted. Love is my loss... I have never loved anyone with true loves fullness.
Love.
When anyone loved me, I let them go. I said goodbye. Fear kept me from loving. A fear forged protection cloaked my soul from pain. My cloak caused people pain. I hardened my heart. Unbreakable... I was unbreakable.

I have been letting go and saying goodbye to those things which no longer serve me. I have nothing left to let go. I am empty. I am empty. An empty protective shroud hangs upon my soul... my last ditch effort to fear love is no longer serving me.

This full moon was the Flower Moon. A Scorpio Moon and a Taurus Sun... A perfect time to connect spiritually and physically. Shedding the protective layers to ground deeply within the natural resources our Earth provides... yes... Love... Yes, Love... yes, I am ready for love.

I went outside. My timing couldn't have been more perfect. The air brisk and rain sweet as the misty water graced the land. Fresh and dark, the moon lit the cloudy sky. Peace. So peaceful. I sat my candle upon the deck chair and carried a small China bowl filled with water, barefoot across the rain slick deck. Stepping down to the cool wet grass and damp earth I walked a few paces to the middle of the yard. The wet grassy tendrils caressed my toes and dampened the tops of my feet as I stood under a cloudy dark sky. I smiled.  The misty rain began to wash away my old protective shroud. I raised my arms to the heavens and turned in a circle my face to the sky. Heart full. Love filled. Water drenched my hair. Cool and fresh I enjoyed the rain falling from hair to scalp then slowly rolling down my face to fall from my eyes like a tear.

Wash me, oh gentle rain
Wash me
Cleanse the old
Cleanse the old
Wash me clean
Wash me new
I release
I am empty

Signifying release, I said those words while pouring the little China bowl's water around my body in a circle. Standing within and feeling peaceful. My mind's eye pictured Angel hands gracing my shoulders and lifting the old protective cloak. The fear is no longer necessary. I was reminded of my protection. I am protected with love. Fear is not a beneficial protection. I lived unseen and now my time has come, to be seen. I do not need the layers to hide who I am.

I will be seen
I will be known.

My heart is open
Love, behold.

Muladhara: The Root Chakra

A Study of the Root Chakra
The Earth, my first friend. I remember wiggling my toes within the dirt and feeling the grass tangle around my toes... I was little... A babe on the grass watching the bugs travel in search of food and shelter. I could sit for hours watching the ants, worms, roly polies and whatever else entranced my eyes! I studied the way grass grew from the earth and picked the leaf apart to feel the life blood squeeze out upon my fingers. Life, I could smell the life living all around me. Flowers and their little colored veins and pollen dancing with the bees upon the wind... yeah... good memories.. good times.. the best part is, this is unending. I revisit the earth as often as I am able. I enjoy life!

To study the Root Chakra is to study the Earth and learn how to be grounded and remain grounded. This Chakra is at the sacral area, at the base of the tail bone and roots us body and soul to the Earth. Muladhara draws energy from the ground to aid in our Physical vitality and Endurance.

Our basic survival instincts are grounded within the root of our body. The Root Chakra teaches us to nurture our basic needs, basic desires and our desire to live.

When I begin to feel out of balance, I return to the earth. The grass calls my name and I listen. My feet sink into the soil and I fold my body into indian sitting position. Breathe deeply.. and then stretch out cradled and supported.

A balanced Root Chakra gives us a sense of stability, security and a feeling of a balanced existence.
An unbalanced Root Chakra will cause an unfocused and anxious feeling, low libido and can lead to anemia with digestion issues and low blood pressure.

Balance is the key... Having too much Root energy keeps you in place and can keep you from moving forward.  Releasing this energy is a way to learn how to let go and become more active in goal manifestation!

Learn how to reconnect with your body! Envision dancing to earth energy and fire! Become tribal and feel the earth inspire your base instincts while moving and swaying! Wear the color RED! Incorporate earthy scents to your daily life! Ylang Ylang, Rose, Cinnamon....

Begin practicing Yoga and consume RED foods!

Meditate upon Mother Earth and begin to balance your heart, mind, soul and body to the base energy belonging to life!

Breathe in a pearly white glowing light.
Let the light fill your body all the way down to your spine.
Imagine the darkness rising out and leaving your mouth as you exhale.
Practice this breathing until you can see your base Root Chakra as a beautiful Garnet red!!!
Feel the energy pulsate and dance to the rhythm
Dance to the Earth energy and feel your energy rise!!!

Namaste

Dona

Taurus New Moon (Dark of the Moon)

Follow the Light within

A time for silent rest.

The Taurus Moon is an Earth element moon...
Grounding within the Feminine energy~~~

The Earth is Mother, protecting and nurturing and ruled by Venus the Goddess of Love and Beauty...
Now is the time to reach into the mother earth and become grounded in love, in beauty.

The past few days have been reflective and interesting. While serenading my darkness and contemplating my shadow self, I have learned to enjoy understanding my personalities light and dark sides. I am Yin to my Yang... ;) I am whole unto myself. In the past I set up an illusion and told myself part of me was missing. I am not missing. The illusion created a lost feeling. I am not lost. I am Whole!
I am at peace. All is well with my soul.

I considered my values. What do I most value, right now?
My Health
My Son
My Home
My Wealth (working with the Law of Attraction) (at some point this is where I am) ;)
My Love    (ditto)

With all these values, now is the time to gestate new life. New Growth...

All of this, I considered during my New Moon Ceremony with meditation and reflection~~~
I looked to my little "cauldron" and saw the ashes of past New and Full Moon ceremonies and decided to burn my New Moon words and mix them with the old ashes...I took them outside and said these words...

The Ashes of past ceremonies
     I send to the Ethers
The Ashes of the present
     I send to the Earth
Let the rain wash down
     Let the Earth rise up
Nourishment and Growth
     I give all my needs to the Earth
So that I grow in Strength
     Grow in peace
     Grow in divinity
     Grow in Abundance
For today i am seeded
Today I am nourished
All my needs made known
All my seeds
Now, are grown
     Bountiful
     Beautiful

I stood outside under the dark night
My dog by my side
I said my words
I poured the ashes in a circle
Around my body.
The wind blew the past
Into the ethers
The earth absorbed the ashes nights ashes
I returned to my door, calling my dog
She would not come in.
She stood in the circle and acknowledged me with a bark/howl
Then, she came inside.
My cat then ran out into the night...

One of my main Totems is a large black dog... The other is a large golden panther....

I am whole unto myself.
I am whole.
I thank you
Thank you...
Trust...
I am protected...
I am protected...

Full Moon in Virgo Sun in Pisces

So.. I am a few weeks late in posting this one..
I've been feeling....

In preparation for the Full Moon in Virgo...

Recognize Honor
Preserve Personal and family traditions
Maintain a firm base for Future Growth
Remember where we come from
Feel a deep sense of who I am now
Feel the developing future
Self-awareness makes us stronger and less vulnerable.

Open the abundant flow in the Universe and attract money, prosperity and abundance.
Learn the balance between Want and Need
Let go of the old
(possessions, debts and mindsets)
They block the flow of abundance.

Empty the cup to let the cup become full again.

My Virgo is in the 4th house and in Nadir

The 4th house is our Roots, limits, security. This is our Home-where work, feel and experience...
The Core.
The 4th house is a Water element.
Deal with the past and the emotional responses
planets in this house show what is happening on a subconscious level with assimilation of the past and letting go of what holds us back...
Lives in Feelings/yearnings
Emotional and Soul needs
Dominates life/energy
coping mechanisms
Emotional kand Soul.

In my 4th house/Vigo Relationship, everything I am reading says I have strong family ties.
I remember having strong family ties. Lately, my home/family ties have been warped. I lost my father and brother to death and my family was ripped apart. I reclaimed my family bond only to have the bond torn apart again. Death. The old ones pass and the family falls away. I feel a responsibility to my mom, as she lives with me, and I have my son.

I hold them in my home, yet I am still looking for "Where I belong".... I lost my sense of Home. Now is my time to heal.
My Home needs to be healed.

Nadir is ruled by the Moon and is the Home, or Imum Coeli. This is the point where we meet the deepest part of ourselves
The IC represents the nurturing parents or whoever the nurturer was...
The IC is the midnight of the soul and shows the psychological legacy from our parents/grandparents/ancestors submerged in the unconscious until activated. This is the point we we enter the underworld of our internal psyche, turning inward to meet the essence of who we are in this lifetime.
Do a little self examination...
Hidden fears
Hidden Desires                                    ....all are waiting to be discovered
Hidden Dreams
Finding lost parts

Until we are able to embrace and reclaim these parts, we cannot manifest our highness aspirations as shown by the MidHeaven..
IC is the foundation of personality..The Chart and the key to unlocking our personal evolution.

I lit my candles and incense...
Wrote down some things I wanted to release...

1. energy. Negative. while dealing with family and home issues
    This, I release

2. I release and empty my cup. I empty what I know and make room for new

3. I release the lower vibrations living in my past

4. I release my home-sickness

5. I release my (desires) for love, relationships and in releasing desire, I gain energetic connection

6. I release my dreams..so they may be found

7. I release the lost parts of me, for I am found

8. I release my heart, so I may begin to feel

I burned each word and felt the smoke rise in the night time air
The moon shined down upon me and I felt the release.

This whole month has been better at home. I have felt more connected to my family.
I want all parts of me to be free. The hidden to be meditated upon and acknowledged...

When you empty the cup and let go of what you "know"... suddenly you become "filled" with this amazing perspective living all around you!!

I truly enjoy learning about all the amazing perspectives around me!!

To Be At Zen

I breathe in.. I breathe out..
I visualize the light flowing in through my mouth 
The dark flowing out from my nose.
I quiet my mind and listen.
Breathing in
Breathing out
I feel the ground beneath me
I flow to the rhythmic beat living within the moment
Time becomes no time
There is no past and no future, only NOW
Visions paint pictures and imprint upon my soul
There is peace.
There is  love
There is connection
In this moment
I am whole.

I feel "right"when I meditate. The visions bring answers to questions pertaining to my daily life and I stroll around in the vision looking and listening to the message... I am at Zen. Zen is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as: a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation. Zen teaches that the potential to achieve enlightenment is inherent in everyone but lies dormant because of ignorance. It is best awakened not by the study of scripture, the practice of good deeds, rites and ceremonies, or worship of images, but by breaking through the boundaries of mundane logical thought. 

I am not a Buddhist. I am not any one religion. I am Dona. I choose to visit all religions and love the spiritual teachings living within. I recognize the word Zen as a way to feel enlightened and connected with the deep nuances belonging to spirituality. When I am At Zen... I am connected. I am surrounded with light and life and beauty. The intensity is, well...intense and almost over-powering... I revel in what I feel with rejoicing! 

In my Massage Room, I become At Zen. As clients come in to see me, I breathe in and intend to touch with healing and love. I reach to the Light and feel the love flow through my head to my heart and connect with my hands as I touch my clients. The body begins to talk to my hands and I "know" what needs to be done. I "know" what needs to be said. I cannot heal my clients. I can be a conduit for healing. I am able to bring awareness to another soul which enables a healing. I cannot promise what the healing is. I do not take healing's responsibility. Healing will happen as healing needs to happen. The soul. The body. The mind. Personal life. 
Healing and Massage work is my peace. 

and then, 

I go home. My mom lives with me. I have a 13 year old son. Need I say more!!! Okay, I am laughing. 
Daily, I will receive a text from either my son, or my mother complaining about what one or the other is doing. These two people will argue and fight and about almost anything. As soon as I enter the door to my home, I have to settle the dispute. I lose my Zen. I lose my patience. I lose my rationality and become angry. All the high vibrations of love and forgiveness shatter and fizzle down to the lowest of the low and I begin to yell out my frustration at their inability to "get along"!!! 
 I was placing my Zen loss on them. I gave them the blame of my actions to their actions. 

How is this reaction one of a woman who LOVES and works in the Healing realm? 
My reaction to the situation on the home front directly resonates to how my son and mother react to me. I have learned, to be at Zen in a place where there is no CHAOS. 
Now, I am to learn how to be at Zen within CHAOS. 

I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago. Twenty years ago, he was a Sailsboat salesman. He traveled the world on a boat. Visiting uninhabited islands and meditating to the sun and ocean on either the island or in the middle of the ocean on the boat. What he said to me, made perfect sense. "it is easy to be at Zen when you are alone on a boat, meditating. To incorporate Zen when I am back at home, is not as easy."  
I considered what he said. My massage room is my boat on the ocean. My Zen is easy to maintain in my place of beauty. 
I decided, to begin practicing my Zen to a higher vibrational degree on the home front while dealing with daily life. 
Breathing in Light
Breathing out Dark...
prior to any words coming out of my mouth. I will seek the light and feel the energy and "Know" exactly what to say. I trust the Light and Intuition while working on other people's lives and bodies... How is it, that I do not do the same in my life, for my family and my own healing? How is it, I have made my life to be less than those I am working on? How do I claim to be a Healer and drive a wedge in my own life? 

My vibrational frequency is my responsibility. My Zen is my responsibility. I cannot place the blame on any other soul for my reaction. My reactions are mine. 

Balancing my light and dark side, is not simple. 
I am always in session with mySelf and learning how to BE....
One of these days, I will get it RIGHT!! ;)

Last New Moon (March)(Pisces)

The New Moon in Pisces brought me to a place of awareness. I often create goals which are wonderful, yet so long ranged...I have a difficult time completing them in a decent timespan.

I decided to make some short term goals which are achievable, calculable, and completely doable.
I WILL achieve weight loss.
10 lbs in 30 days
At lease 3 inches lost at waist, hips and bust...

I will Run 1 mile (without huffing and puffing)
20  pushups
20 squats
and 5 minute planks...

I will remind myself, daily...
I am FIT and LUSCIOUS
My body is toned
and well maintained.

I rechecked my weight and inches at the 1st quarter moon, which was on Saturday night...
I have lost an inch around my waist, hips, and bust... and around my thighs...
and 2lbs... YEAH!! I am on the right path...
My running has become less huff and puff...and my endurance for the the complete workout has become much better!

*********************************************************************************

I also decided to check to see where Pisces was in my Chart and use this as a type of classroom...
Pisces is in my 10th house.
The 10th house has to do with social status/career..
Learning to Serve
Within the Mystical Realm to those in need..

Midheaven has to do with Goal Completion within my line of work. I have learned to balance stress within my career and I tend to take the backseat and do more for others than I do for myself.
I am seeing how I need to focus on MY aspirations and work on my needs... for balance..
My helping others often overwhelms the helping for myself.
*I am working toward harmonizing with spiritual clarity.

My Lilith is also in Pisces..
Lilith shows Dreams, fantasies, utopia, infinity, good friend, intuitive, and addictive personality...
She is a shapeshifter who is typically in the shadows.. well, Lilith in Pisces and Pisces in my 10th house, she likes to be seen.. My shadows are not hidden... LOL.. go figure.
Her Power is in Building up
Her Poison is in breaking down...
My learning is the balance for Truth...


Above all...My life is seeking balance.
I am good to my friends and loved ones...often I am so good that I put my Life on hold... I begin to look at what matters most to them and forget what matters most to me. This, is not a balanced life. My balance is rocking on this boat and I don't know how to keep her from sinking.

so, today... I feel kinda sad.
I recognize the unbalance... I am glad I am able to "see"... and begin to add support beams to my life.
I will update again as time progresses.
Namaste...