Burning Fire

I cannot base my emotional need on humanity
See, I have this fire living within
     Burning
     Raging
     Wanting
     Seeking
This fire kills me, daily
I Burn to ashes
I Burn hard and fall down
Only to Rise again
I am not Brave
I have no choice, but to burn
Hot fire, burning me alive
Burning until there is nothing
Hot coals and ashes
I am never fully "out"
From the ashes, I Rise
Burning Coal in every limb
Standing there with fire, Raging
Don't touch me
Don't touch this living fire
Consuming, ever consuming
You must burn with me
To BE one with me
To Burn with me,
To Live.

Surrender

Surrender to the quiet moment
As your breath empties
Surrender, before you inhale
And die a little death with me

Surrender to your passion
Listen to your heart, beat
Surrender to your breath
Find your path to me

I want to touch your face with my fingertips
Kiss the corner of your mouth
Feel your intoxicating breath
Against my face

I want to touch your face
With my thumb
While pulling you close
Closer to my heart
Crushing your lips against mine

Yeah, I want to touch your face
Surrender, I Surrender
I cannot ask for more
Than your soul is able to give

I want and ache and need
A soul to want and ache and need
To surrender, Surrender
Heart to heart
One to another.

I wait, in Surrender.

New Moon in Scorpio

This amazing New Moon falls the person’s birthday, who changed my life.
Suprisingly enough, the New Moon is in Scorpio. Scorpio lies in my 6th house. The 6th house has to do with work, health and daily life.
The New Moon is about attracting what we want and powered with the solar eclipse ending old patterns and beginning anew!

Scorpio in the 6th house in health mode: I will be highly prone to blood born disease, i.e. STD.
as depicted on http://dherbs.com/news/4455/4669/Disease-and-Your-Astrological-6th-House/d,ai.html#.VEnH8YdvmpU

Pretty sure I planned this before birth. I had to, otherwise I would not have learned all the amazing life lessons brought to me by STD.

Whoa! The things I have learned!
and I want to vomit the emotion I feel, in words covering the Earth!
The song, "Like a Rolling Stone" by Bob Dylan is playing, he is singing "How does it feel?"
Dude, this FEELS!!!

Last Sunday, I went to the Psychic Fair to enjoy the pretty stones, jewelry and an aura photo/mini reading!

My aura is large. Reds, oranges, yellows and greens dominate all around me. The Aura reader saw 2 "guides", my higher self and a spirit animal strongly supporting me. The report also included a Chakra Report which showed my Solar Plexus and Heart Chakras, LOW.  These areas are SEX and LOVE!
I am screwed!
OH! To the pattern!
Destruction!

Okay.
Yeah.
I acknowledge this.
I have been working on breaking the pattern.
Words
They are words until I put them in action.
The right kind of action.

What do I really want?
I want LOVE.
I want SEX
I want to love and be loved in return.
I want SEX
I want to look into the heart and soul of another and FEEL
I want to LOVE the person I am having SEX with
I want To FEEL the heart wrenching emotion belonging to souls working one with another.
I want to BE with someone who wants to Shake up the world!
To inspire and be inspired!

Funny thing is, look at that little section up there.
I have Love.
People love me and I love them
I look into hearts and souls while FEELING, daily
I experience heart wrenching emotion working on clients!
Now, how do I combine all I have with all I do not have?
Am I being selfish?
I want the personal experience.
Look into my heart, feel me
Look into my soul, feel me
Inspire me, inspiring you!!!

Shadow living is not healthy. I have lived in Truth's Shadow for years.
Afraid to want, knowing I will lose.
Afraid to ask, because vulnerability sucks.
I put myself out in vulnerable mode.
I am not afraid to be vulnerable.

Am I being authentically vulnerable?
Or, am I vulnerable for Shock Value?
Okay, yeah
I enjoy Shock VALUE.
No one expects ME to be THAT vulnerable.

I went on a date, a couple of weeks ago. Normally, I expose my vulnerability via conversation prior to a date. This time, I wanted to meet and feel the date without pre-conceived emotions. A blank slate.

Small talk and Dirty Martini's
Atmosphere
Darkly well dressed
Mutual attraction
A kiss
A smoke
Hand in Hand, walking
Eyes downcast
Sadness
Questions asked
Questions answered

I want to be wanted
For the woman I am
Know me,
The Woman.
I am a life waker
An Earth Shaker
Soul Mender
Ever mending

We have another date for Saturday night.
I don't know what is gonna happen and I am okay with opening myself in a new way.
I know what I want.
I know what I don't want.
This person is one I will enjoy knowing for as long as we know one another.

Back to the New Moon thing.
I am ending the pattern held for many years.
I am owning my authenticity.
I will pattern mySELF after the strength living in WOMAN!
I will continue to wake the world!!!
Whether I fall in love, soon or never.
I am Like a Rolling Stone.

Full Moon in Aquarius...The Super Moon

To Heal or not to Heal....

healing hurts.
I know because I am in a constant state of healing.
Tonight, at the Full Moon Meditation, I focused on my healing.
I focused on my need to have such an amazing healing.

The entire room was swirling in a vortex of energy and I was not alone in the healing need. Everyone has a Healing need. Does healing become grander the more intense the disease? No. No. Not at all.

Healing is as Healing does.
To those who embrace Healing's humble grace, I salute you. Yes...I salute you.
From the Broken Hearted to those with illness and death....
You who embrace the pain and nurture Healing, SALUTE!!

The Full Moon Meditation was about healing. Holding hands, one hand to give and another to receive. The energy was beautiful and intense while we said Mantra's together and separate one to another.

We rose up with hearts lying bare to the energy living in the room, tears came to my eyes and sadness forming around my heart...I felt myself lift away as time became nothing.
I listened to the subtle shift in sound as vibrations changed....
Love
Compassion
Love
Compassion
Love 
Compassion

I have a NEED
We hear your NEED
Thank you, I am grateful .....

The words above, were not the words spoken....
The words above were intoned in the vibrations all around the room....

As I was leaving, a woman handed me her card...and on the back were the words...

Feel the powerful flow of source energy 
YOU calling the rest of you forward!

Yep... I feel it!!!
and to honor myself and my gut instinct...
I am looking directly at my pain.
I am looking directly at my disease....
Sitting still and feeling all the nuances belonging therein
I am healed....

The pain
The heartache
The trust
The sadness
The fear

I want physical proof
I need physical proof

So...until then, I will envision all I AM, as I AM......
there...... yeah.... there, I AM....

A Stone Thrown

Life is what we make happen
One action causes another reaction
Is the reaction positive or negative?
Are we in control?
Is nature the Divine Controller?

A pebble thrown into water
Causes a ripple
The ripple is further affected by debris
Or other material in the water
The ripple  could change course
Due to a number of reasons
As it is with life
Do not fear throwing the stone
Or skipping the rock
Let's see how many ripples we create!
Let life keep rippling!

OMG, These Runners

I remember the pulsing, sweaty, exciting and exhilarating running up the mountains in Arkansas. Heavy breathing and heart pounding in my head with the burn living under my skin and if I could push on, push on...I knew the sweat would pour from my scalp and down my nose as my breathing evened out. Freedom lives in the run. Yes. Freedom lives in the run.

Why am I so anxious?

Years have gone by and I have not run up a mountain. I have not actually RUN in years. I have joined a group of RUNNERS who are supportive to the beginners. Supportive to the Walkers.

Why am I so anxious?

Facing mySELF and  my inability to be successful in this realm is emotional. I lie down at night and my heart begins to race. Pounding hard against my chest, I breathe deeply and soon feel like I am hyperventilating. Sleep evades my night. I sit up and meditate. I cannot meditate when my heart is pounding.
STRIKE 2
I cannot sleep
I cannot meditate

OMmmmmmmm
OMmmmmmmm

NOT happening.

I am anxious. What if I hold someone back from a run?
What if I make someone feel like walking with me is mandatory?

STOP! Those are pretend conversations. Imagined FEARS. STOP!!!

Truth is, I cannot keep up. Not yet.
I don't like not being able to keep up. I don't like feeling like this.
And, I know.... the only way to be able to keep up is to be the one who cannot keep up.
Practice makes perfect, or at least better and knowing I must persevere does not make the anxiety go away.

Change Fucking hurts, dude.
Not the body. I can deal with the body changes.
The emotional changes are the most painful.

I don't want to fail.

I am envisioning a WereWolf. Once they go through the change, they are fine. The change is rough. Transitioning from human to wolf is bone breaking and mind numbing. Once the change is complete the wolf moves into graceful action. Graceful as a Gazelle or graceful as a Wolf hunting down a Gazelle.
 Ok...so, I watch too many of those sci-fi shows with my son and yet, the change is similar.

Do I have the guts to do the impossible?
Do I have the ability to make such a dramatic change and become the Wolf chasing the Gazelle?

I do not want to stand still while the world moves by.
I want to feel the transformation occur.
I want the thrill to enthrall me!

so....again....
Why am I so anxious?
At worst, I will become a runner.
At best, I will become a runner.

OMG, These Runners.....
yeah, one day...that will be me.

Heart Strings and The July Full Super Moon

New  massage client today. 
He walked in with a gray storm cloud hovering above his head. His muscle complaint, neck pain and stress. 
I sat at the head of the table and began sending my feelers, out... My fingers touching and feeling him. At the base of his skull and around to his collar bone... I knew him. A simple touch and I knew him. A gentle man who carries the weight of his world upon his shoulders and he has been failing. Life is beginning to tumble from his shoulders and trickle down affecting his peace of mind.

As I worked, I saw a short vision.. His heart pulsing and a deep dark red color.. Strings coming out of his heart seeking yet not connecting to anyone. One string deeply embedded within his heart.

He loves deeply. He is not connecting with anyone anyone right now. 
He is not allowing others to LOVE him. The one string deeply embedded within his heart is his love, for himself. He knows how to love. The stress in life keeps him from allowing people in his heart. 

I recognize this in him as he is a mirror to my soul. For many years, I did not let anyone love me. I told myself I was better off loving and not being loved. 

My heart strings floating 
Waving around and waiting
Going deeper and deeper within
Piercing my beating heart
Holding on to me
Holding on to me

In the vision, the string flowing out of the heart and reattaching, wounded the heart. Love is to flow out... We attach to other hearts and love flows back in. A Love self-sustained, damages the soul and wounds the interior. 

I am so happy to have seen this vision today. I no longer am a self-sustained lover. I am open to receiving love! 

This Full moon was in Capricorn... A time to know our own needs and be willing to receive what we want! 

My heart strings are waving hello! I am no longer wounding myself.

I accept love!

I accept all of my wants! 

I told my client of the vision. He recognized this as something he needs to work on. I am glad I was able to see this, today.  

Manifesting My Lover

What I want in my lover 
High sexual appetite
 Sexy...legs...eyes...hair
 Self-contained
 In love with me, the person 
Someone who makes real, the impossible 
A person who values me 
And accepts the value in return 
Must want to be involved with my family 
And involve me with family
 Must enjoy animals..lizards.. 
Must enjoy nature 
And the city refinement 
Must enjoy laughter and children 
Enjoy the arts and music 
Someone who isn't afraid of my disease
 I'm ready for my Knight 
I'm ready to be her...the one 
Have a desire to try new things and food 
Be adventurous 
And a home body 
Physically fit
 And who welcomes helping me attain my fitness goals

So... I will be reading this, daily... to manifest my Lover.

I Love You, Too

Really,
I Love You, Too...

I have never liked hearing those words. Where are the REAL feelings?
I say, I Love YOU....and the response is a quick i love you, too...From family to friends and even lovers... I Love You, too...

I remember hearing I Love You, from an ex... he looked at me deeply and said, "I Love You"... I returned the depth while looking in his eyes... I said, "I Love YOU."

Whoa... right then, I realized my words impact.. He smiled and said, " I like how you said that." Our hearts connected. I touched him in a way he had never been touched before. His response to my words invoked awareness. I want to hear someone say words to me with the same impact and I want to speak with meaning! I Love YOU.


Do people realize the importance words have on our lives? To every part of life, there is a word. Words breathe and create life. The intent behind the spoken word is the difference between a curse and well-being. I speak and FIRE pours from my heart.

The Ex and I are no longer a part of one another's lives and still the echoed words remain.
He knows. I know.

Speak from your heart and let your words breathe fire. Do not say words without meaning, there is no life in meaningless words.

Today, I feel bereft.
I am not in the mood for meaningless words.

Today, I seek truth.
I seek fire in words.
I seek REAL WORDS.

Hurt me, make me FEEL!!
I want the heart to speak
Life to form
Words backed by feeling
Words backed by truth

In this moment, I have tears in my eyes.
Real Tears.

I have no words to speak out loud
My heart is breathing fire
My soul is a tidal wave
My words will thrill you
Enchant you
and Make you FEEL

I need to hear words from another...
Words breathing fire
From a soul riding a tidal wave
Thrill me
Enchant me
Make me FEEL

Right now, in this moment...
I need to FEEL.

Remember this. The next time someone says, I Love You. ...
Respond with, I Love YOU...
forget the "too"....

The Woman In Me

The woman in me is rearing her ugly head.
The Moody woman
The Emotional Woman
The Woman who feels everything deeply
The Woman who wants to cry uncontrollably
The Woman who wants to hide
The Woman who is tired of hiding
The Woman who wants and is tired of wanting
Oh, to the woman inside me
She is simmering on an open fire
She is burning
She is burning
Tears fall down turning to steam
Before they hit the ground

Dance Woman
Sing your words
Tell your story
So all can be heard
Rage Woman
Cry Woman
Sing Woman
Dance Woman
Love Woman
Feel Woman

The Woman in me is Free
© 2014 Dona Lackey

Flower Moon

The night prior to the full moon I meditated with open drapes as the moon light caressed my skin.
Love.
Everything boils down to love. Love is my loss. Even now as I type these words tears fill my eyes. This truth is not easily accepted. Love is my loss... I have never loved anyone with true loves fullness.
Love.
When anyone loved me, I let them go. I said goodbye. Fear kept me from loving. A fear forged protection cloaked my soul from pain. My cloak caused people pain. I hardened my heart. Unbreakable... I was unbreakable.

I have been letting go and saying goodbye to those things which no longer serve me. I have nothing left to let go. I am empty. I am empty. An empty protective shroud hangs upon my soul... my last ditch effort to fear love is no longer serving me.

This full moon was the Flower Moon. A Scorpio Moon and a Taurus Sun... A perfect time to connect spiritually and physically. Shedding the protective layers to ground deeply within the natural resources our Earth provides... yes... Love... Yes, Love... yes, I am ready for love.

I went outside. My timing couldn't have been more perfect. The air brisk and rain sweet as the misty water graced the land. Fresh and dark, the moon lit the cloudy sky. Peace. So peaceful. I sat my candle upon the deck chair and carried a small China bowl filled with water, barefoot across the rain slick deck. Stepping down to the cool wet grass and damp earth I walked a few paces to the middle of the yard. The wet grassy tendrils caressed my toes and dampened the tops of my feet as I stood under a cloudy dark sky. I smiled.  The misty rain began to wash away my old protective shroud. I raised my arms to the heavens and turned in a circle my face to the sky. Heart full. Love filled. Water drenched my hair. Cool and fresh I enjoyed the rain falling from hair to scalp then slowly rolling down my face to fall from my eyes like a tear.

Wash me, oh gentle rain
Wash me
Cleanse the old
Cleanse the old
Wash me clean
Wash me new
I release
I am empty

Signifying release, I said those words while pouring the little China bowl's water around my body in a circle. Standing within and feeling peaceful. My mind's eye pictured Angel hands gracing my shoulders and lifting the old protective cloak. The fear is no longer necessary. I was reminded of my protection. I am protected with love. Fear is not a beneficial protection. I lived unseen and now my time has come, to be seen. I do not need the layers to hide who I am.

I will be seen
I will be known.

My heart is open
Love, behold.

Muladhara: The Root Chakra

A Study of the Root Chakra
The Earth, my first friend. I remember wiggling my toes within the dirt and feeling the grass tangle around my toes... I was little... A babe on the grass watching the bugs travel in search of food and shelter. I could sit for hours watching the ants, worms, roly polies and whatever else entranced my eyes! I studied the way grass grew from the earth and picked the leaf apart to feel the life blood squeeze out upon my fingers. Life, I could smell the life living all around me. Flowers and their little colored veins and pollen dancing with the bees upon the wind... yeah... good memories.. good times.. the best part is, this is unending. I revisit the earth as often as I am able. I enjoy life!

To study the Root Chakra is to study the Earth and learn how to be grounded and remain grounded. This Chakra is at the sacral area, at the base of the tail bone and roots us body and soul to the Earth. Muladhara draws energy from the ground to aid in our Physical vitality and Endurance.

Our basic survival instincts are grounded within the root of our body. The Root Chakra teaches us to nurture our basic needs, basic desires and our desire to live.

When I begin to feel out of balance, I return to the earth. The grass calls my name and I listen. My feet sink into the soil and I fold my body into indian sitting position. Breathe deeply.. and then stretch out cradled and supported.

A balanced Root Chakra gives us a sense of stability, security and a feeling of a balanced existence.
An unbalanced Root Chakra will cause an unfocused and anxious feeling, low libido and can lead to anemia with digestion issues and low blood pressure.

Balance is the key... Having too much Root energy keeps you in place and can keep you from moving forward.  Releasing this energy is a way to learn how to let go and become more active in goal manifestation!

Learn how to reconnect with your body! Envision dancing to earth energy and fire! Become tribal and feel the earth inspire your base instincts while moving and swaying! Wear the color RED! Incorporate earthy scents to your daily life! Ylang Ylang, Rose, Cinnamon....

Begin practicing Yoga and consume RED foods!

Meditate upon Mother Earth and begin to balance your heart, mind, soul and body to the base energy belonging to life!

Breathe in a pearly white glowing light.
Let the light fill your body all the way down to your spine.
Imagine the darkness rising out and leaving your mouth as you exhale.
Practice this breathing until you can see your base Root Chakra as a beautiful Garnet red!!!
Feel the energy pulsate and dance to the rhythm
Dance to the Earth energy and feel your energy rise!!!

Namaste

Dona

Taurus New Moon (Dark of the Moon)

Follow the Light within

A time for silent rest.

The Taurus Moon is an Earth element moon...
Grounding within the Feminine energy~~~

The Earth is Mother, protecting and nurturing and ruled by Venus the Goddess of Love and Beauty...
Now is the time to reach into the mother earth and become grounded in love, in beauty.

The past few days have been reflective and interesting. While serenading my darkness and contemplating my shadow self, I have learned to enjoy understanding my personalities light and dark sides. I am Yin to my Yang... ;) I am whole unto myself. In the past I set up an illusion and told myself part of me was missing. I am not missing. The illusion created a lost feeling. I am not lost. I am Whole!
I am at peace. All is well with my soul.

I considered my values. What do I most value, right now?
My Health
My Son
My Home
My Wealth (working with the Law of Attraction) (at some point this is where I am) ;)
My Love    (ditto)

With all these values, now is the time to gestate new life. New Growth...

All of this, I considered during my New Moon Ceremony with meditation and reflection~~~
I looked to my little "cauldron" and saw the ashes of past New and Full Moon ceremonies and decided to burn my New Moon words and mix them with the old ashes...I took them outside and said these words...

The Ashes of past ceremonies
     I send to the Ethers
The Ashes of the present
     I send to the Earth
Let the rain wash down
     Let the Earth rise up
Nourishment and Growth
     I give all my needs to the Earth
So that I grow in Strength
     Grow in peace
     Grow in divinity
     Grow in Abundance
For today i am seeded
Today I am nourished
All my needs made known
All my seeds
Now, are grown
     Bountiful
     Beautiful

I stood outside under the dark night
My dog by my side
I said my words
I poured the ashes in a circle
Around my body.
The wind blew the past
Into the ethers
The earth absorbed the ashes nights ashes
I returned to my door, calling my dog
She would not come in.
She stood in the circle and acknowledged me with a bark/howl
Then, she came inside.
My cat then ran out into the night...

One of my main Totems is a large black dog... The other is a large golden panther....

I am whole unto myself.
I am whole.
I thank you
Thank you...
Trust...
I am protected...
I am protected...

Full Moon in Virgo Sun in Pisces

So.. I am a few weeks late in posting this one..
I've been feeling....

In preparation for the Full Moon in Virgo...

Recognize Honor
Preserve Personal and family traditions
Maintain a firm base for Future Growth
Remember where we come from
Feel a deep sense of who I am now
Feel the developing future
Self-awareness makes us stronger and less vulnerable.

Open the abundant flow in the Universe and attract money, prosperity and abundance.
Learn the balance between Want and Need
Let go of the old
(possessions, debts and mindsets)
They block the flow of abundance.

Empty the cup to let the cup become full again.

My Virgo is in the 4th house and in Nadir

The 4th house is our Roots, limits, security. This is our Home-where work, feel and experience...
The Core.
The 4th house is a Water element.
Deal with the past and the emotional responses
planets in this house show what is happening on a subconscious level with assimilation of the past and letting go of what holds us back...
Lives in Feelings/yearnings
Emotional and Soul needs
Dominates life/energy
coping mechanisms
Emotional kand Soul.

In my 4th house/Vigo Relationship, everything I am reading says I have strong family ties.
I remember having strong family ties. Lately, my home/family ties have been warped. I lost my father and brother to death and my family was ripped apart. I reclaimed my family bond only to have the bond torn apart again. Death. The old ones pass and the family falls away. I feel a responsibility to my mom, as she lives with me, and I have my son.

I hold them in my home, yet I am still looking for "Where I belong".... I lost my sense of Home. Now is my time to heal.
My Home needs to be healed.

Nadir is ruled by the Moon and is the Home, or Imum Coeli. This is the point where we meet the deepest part of ourselves
The IC represents the nurturing parents or whoever the nurturer was...
The IC is the midnight of the soul and shows the psychological legacy from our parents/grandparents/ancestors submerged in the unconscious until activated. This is the point we we enter the underworld of our internal psyche, turning inward to meet the essence of who we are in this lifetime.
Do a little self examination...
Hidden fears
Hidden Desires                                    ....all are waiting to be discovered
Hidden Dreams
Finding lost parts

Until we are able to embrace and reclaim these parts, we cannot manifest our highness aspirations as shown by the MidHeaven..
IC is the foundation of personality..The Chart and the key to unlocking our personal evolution.

I lit my candles and incense...
Wrote down some things I wanted to release...

1. energy. Negative. while dealing with family and home issues
    This, I release

2. I release and empty my cup. I empty what I know and make room for new

3. I release the lower vibrations living in my past

4. I release my home-sickness

5. I release my (desires) for love, relationships and in releasing desire, I gain energetic connection

6. I release my dreams..so they may be found

7. I release the lost parts of me, for I am found

8. I release my heart, so I may begin to feel

I burned each word and felt the smoke rise in the night time air
The moon shined down upon me and I felt the release.

This whole month has been better at home. I have felt more connected to my family.
I want all parts of me to be free. The hidden to be meditated upon and acknowledged...

When you empty the cup and let go of what you "know"... suddenly you become "filled" with this amazing perspective living all around you!!

I truly enjoy learning about all the amazing perspectives around me!!

To Be At Zen

I breathe in.. I breathe out..
I visualize the light flowing in through my mouth 
The dark flowing out from my nose.
I quiet my mind and listen.
Breathing in
Breathing out
I feel the ground beneath me
I flow to the rhythmic beat living within the moment
Time becomes no time
There is no past and no future, only NOW
Visions paint pictures and imprint upon my soul
There is peace.
There is  love
There is connection
In this moment
I am whole.

I feel "right"when I meditate. The visions bring answers to questions pertaining to my daily life and I stroll around in the vision looking and listening to the message... I am at Zen. Zen is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as: a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation. Zen teaches that the potential to achieve enlightenment is inherent in everyone but lies dormant because of ignorance. It is best awakened not by the study of scripture, the practice of good deeds, rites and ceremonies, or worship of images, but by breaking through the boundaries of mundane logical thought. 

I am not a Buddhist. I am not any one religion. I am Dona. I choose to visit all religions and love the spiritual teachings living within. I recognize the word Zen as a way to feel enlightened and connected with the deep nuances belonging to spirituality. When I am At Zen... I am connected. I am surrounded with light and life and beauty. The intensity is, well...intense and almost over-powering... I revel in what I feel with rejoicing! 

In my Massage Room, I become At Zen. As clients come in to see me, I breathe in and intend to touch with healing and love. I reach to the Light and feel the love flow through my head to my heart and connect with my hands as I touch my clients. The body begins to talk to my hands and I "know" what needs to be done. I "know" what needs to be said. I cannot heal my clients. I can be a conduit for healing. I am able to bring awareness to another soul which enables a healing. I cannot promise what the healing is. I do not take healing's responsibility. Healing will happen as healing needs to happen. The soul. The body. The mind. Personal life. 
Healing and Massage work is my peace. 

and then, 

I go home. My mom lives with me. I have a 13 year old son. Need I say more!!! Okay, I am laughing. 
Daily, I will receive a text from either my son, or my mother complaining about what one or the other is doing. These two people will argue and fight and about almost anything. As soon as I enter the door to my home, I have to settle the dispute. I lose my Zen. I lose my patience. I lose my rationality and become angry. All the high vibrations of love and forgiveness shatter and fizzle down to the lowest of the low and I begin to yell out my frustration at their inability to "get along"!!! 
 I was placing my Zen loss on them. I gave them the blame of my actions to their actions. 

How is this reaction one of a woman who LOVES and works in the Healing realm? 
My reaction to the situation on the home front directly resonates to how my son and mother react to me. I have learned, to be at Zen in a place where there is no CHAOS. 
Now, I am to learn how to be at Zen within CHAOS. 

I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago. Twenty years ago, he was a Sailsboat salesman. He traveled the world on a boat. Visiting uninhabited islands and meditating to the sun and ocean on either the island or in the middle of the ocean on the boat. What he said to me, made perfect sense. "it is easy to be at Zen when you are alone on a boat, meditating. To incorporate Zen when I am back at home, is not as easy."  
I considered what he said. My massage room is my boat on the ocean. My Zen is easy to maintain in my place of beauty. 
I decided, to begin practicing my Zen to a higher vibrational degree on the home front while dealing with daily life. 
Breathing in Light
Breathing out Dark...
prior to any words coming out of my mouth. I will seek the light and feel the energy and "Know" exactly what to say. I trust the Light and Intuition while working on other people's lives and bodies... How is it, that I do not do the same in my life, for my family and my own healing? How is it, I have made my life to be less than those I am working on? How do I claim to be a Healer and drive a wedge in my own life? 

My vibrational frequency is my responsibility. My Zen is my responsibility. I cannot place the blame on any other soul for my reaction. My reactions are mine. 

Balancing my light and dark side, is not simple. 
I am always in session with mySelf and learning how to BE....
One of these days, I will get it RIGHT!! ;)

Last New Moon (March)(Pisces)

The New Moon in Pisces brought me to a place of awareness. I often create goals which are wonderful, yet so long ranged...I have a difficult time completing them in a decent timespan.

I decided to make some short term goals which are achievable, calculable, and completely doable.
I WILL achieve weight loss.
10 lbs in 30 days
At lease 3 inches lost at waist, hips and bust...

I will Run 1 mile (without huffing and puffing)
20  pushups
20 squats
and 5 minute planks...

I will remind myself, daily...
I am FIT and LUSCIOUS
My body is toned
and well maintained.

I rechecked my weight and inches at the 1st quarter moon, which was on Saturday night...
I have lost an inch around my waist, hips, and bust... and around my thighs...
and 2lbs... YEAH!! I am on the right path...
My running has become less huff and puff...and my endurance for the the complete workout has become much better!

*********************************************************************************

I also decided to check to see where Pisces was in my Chart and use this as a type of classroom...
Pisces is in my 10th house.
The 10th house has to do with social status/career..
Learning to Serve
Within the Mystical Realm to those in need..

Midheaven has to do with Goal Completion within my line of work. I have learned to balance stress within my career and I tend to take the backseat and do more for others than I do for myself.
I am seeing how I need to focus on MY aspirations and work on my needs... for balance..
My helping others often overwhelms the helping for myself.
*I am working toward harmonizing with spiritual clarity.

My Lilith is also in Pisces..
Lilith shows Dreams, fantasies, utopia, infinity, good friend, intuitive, and addictive personality...
She is a shapeshifter who is typically in the shadows.. well, Lilith in Pisces and Pisces in my 10th house, she likes to be seen.. My shadows are not hidden... LOL.. go figure.
Her Power is in Building up
Her Poison is in breaking down...
My learning is the balance for Truth...


Above all...My life is seeking balance.
I am good to my friends and loved ones...often I am so good that I put my Life on hold... I begin to look at what matters most to them and forget what matters most to me. This, is not a balanced life. My balance is rocking on this boat and I don't know how to keep her from sinking.

so, today... I feel kinda sad.
I recognize the unbalance... I am glad I am able to "see"... and begin to add support beams to my life.
I will update again as time progresses.
Namaste...

Full Moon In Leo

A Passionate Full Moon...
To consider my conditions and limitations of Love-my barriers.

Too often I fall into the energy trap. I feel the energy of another person and make the energy mine.
I swear, I am kinda like a succubus. ----only---I begin to lose what I want for the sake of the other...
The energy draws me in and I no longer matter, to myself as much as the other person.

This Full Moon, I let go of the Mask of Happiness.
To wear the energy of another soul and forget yourself, this is not happiness.

Over the years I conditioned myself for other peoples happiness.
~~~I release this conditioning~~~
I've placed a barrier around my heart.
~~~I release this barrier~~~

My releasing ceremony was short. While driving to the pick up a friend at the airport, I spoke my Releases to the Wind.
The Wind carried them away and then I considered what I want.

I had a vision of myself, my higher self. She is with her Soul Companion, now. There has never been a hurry to unite us in the physical realm because we are already united.

I seek what I already have. I will not be completely satisfied in a relationship until we are physically united.

So, until the time happens....I will continue my path of meeting people touching lives and letting them touch mine.

My soul Purpose is not yet complete.

My Love for everyone is not yet complete.

Love is the Message
I see the energy of love everywhere
Love is Sacred, Eternal
How often do we forget how to love?
The EX-Boyfriend/Girlfriend
The EX anyone.
You loved them, once.
What made you stop?
What changed for you?
How do you suddenly stop sending love?
I consider love
I love people
Even those who hurt me
I love them because I did, do and will always
Not everyone has the capability to love
And send the energy as I do
Forgiveness is a daily practice
Loving is a daily practice

Love is a most compassionate
Exquisite pain
Beautiful and Solid
Ephemeral andUnique
Touching and Breathing
Know this
I always Love You
I always Love You
I always Do. 

Today's Vision

I am emotional. 

I wonder, where is my person?

I reached out to the Light and asked.

I saw a most beautiful female, filled with radiant power mixed with compassion

She held her left hand to her midriff pointing down and her right hand above her head trickling light and comfort down to me…

This light and comfort fell upon my head and infused my core being. 

I watched my heart being squeezed and scrubbed. 

Cleansed and the old blood forced out to make room for the new. 

I watched the light go through me and scrub where I am dark

Clean where I am fearful….

I asked again, why am I alone? Where is MY love?

She showed me a line of people who love me. 

People whose lives I have touched and been an amazing part of…

They all love me and I love them. 

The line was endless before me and beyond me. 

I looked within myself, and considered love…

I don’t know…and that is all, I do not know.

I need the sunrise and the sunset. 

The tender touch and the iron fist

I looked to her again and asked,

What did I ask for, in this life?

Did I ask for this?

To be a healer .. to be alone? 

To love so many and be loved in return without having a connection?

and then, my client came out of my massage room and said to me. 

My mom is dying of cancer and her time is close. 

I needed this, today

This is nice, to receive and not have to give…

You have to be receiving from someone to be able to give so much…

Tears fell from my eyes. I am still crying.

I do not know how to be any other way. 

I am compassionate

I give

I give

I give

I feel good about all I am 

the answer, is no… I do not receive very often. 

My source is the Highest source.. I go to the Light. 

I go to my inner realm, to the place where time does not exist

and there, I seek my help. 

There, I seek my soul…

I seek guidance and healing with the source of all connections

and there…in the inner realm, I am connected. 

Preparing for the Full Moon

A Cancer full moon... Cancer brings to mind the home.. and family...begging the question, Where do you belong?

Rather, Where do I belong? 

I am an earth shattering life shaker. 

I slip into lives and slip out, leaving memories. 

I hug and give all I am able

Until the fear comes, and I run

I have been doing the moon ceremonies to address, ME... 

my dark side, the woman tho I am...

I am darkness surrounded with glittering light

Glittering light reflects other's light

Reflecting darkness, and I see

Behold! Gaze upon the magic, I see

Gaze upon the light

See into the dark places

Can you find a home, for me?

How can I belong, when I see all I see...

Today, while working with energy

A vision of strings bound to my corded life

SNIPPED, and the stringy tendrils 

began bonding with a new set of strings

Forming a new cord, a new path

A line of broken strings behind me

A line of strings ahead of me

How many paths are set before me

How many lives must I be, loved in?

How many homes must I be a part of?

Words came to my heart, soul

You have been given a new path

Based upon all you have chosen

There are many paths and many ways for you

To Ascend, 

To not Ascend and remain...

I choose to Ascend

I choose to touch lives 

I am an Earth Shattering Life Shaker

I am bonded to the light

I am bonded to the dark

I am a seer of life

Beginnings and Endings

I see multitudinous pathways 

I am not able to lie still 

My life is a reflection 

Let us grow and Ascend

Let us reflect one another

My home is within me

Silent and still

The moment before the sunrise

The moment time stands awaiting the awesome light

There is where I am

The moment when Night and Day greet

My limitless home

I am home

New Moon for the New Year

01/01/14

I prepared for the New Moon with a few days of Meditative silence. I burned the roses of a relationship, past and surrounded myself with becoming empty so that I may be filled.

The New Moon in Capricorn  is a time to plant symbolic seeds within the fresh fertile soil of the subconscious. In order to plant, you must first prepare the soil and clear out debris then, add in the nutrients.

Letting go paves the way for REBIRTH and aligning with quality and integrity!!!
This is a time to BE who you ARE~~~

Create your REALITY with thoughts, words and behavior!
Ask yourself, are you the Victor or the Victim???

I considered all the good that came from 2013

• I am not controlled by fear
• Trusting my inner voice
• Establishing a better maternal thing with my mom
• Paying my car off
• Released negative relationship issues
• New Clientele
• Public Poetry Reading
• Reaped Friendships
• Trusting, it is OKAY to "not know" and be at ease with the moment
• Blogging
• a relationship

I acknowledge all these as good and then asked myself, What good will come by 2014's end???
What will I manifest?

• a leaner and fit body
• New and more clientele
• Business expansion
• Public Speaking
• Health and Wellness
• Aligned with quality and integrity
• To "know" how to belong
• A commitment

I cleared my soil. The old debris, gone and in it's place is Healthy soil with fertile drops of love, hope and clearance to move forward...
My past vows, broken and New energy to replace what was not working...

My Seeds of Manifestation:

• Love
• Health and Fitness
• Wealth
• Whole Relationships

I am breathing with contentment. Peaceful at what will come of the days ahead.

With fire and air mixed with water fair... the earth does move.
and so, it is....

Waning Moon, The Roses

A few days ago I decided I needed to burn  my dead roses.

They were given to me on my birthday last year. The year I turned 39. They were given on the evening of a date.

The date was a preempt to sex. A sexual relationship. I dried the flowers and put them in a vase for display. I love dead roses.

The"relationship" began to deepen and the other party did not want a deeper relationship with me. This was a "taboo" relationship...I had to keep the sexual relationship a secret.

And, of course...it ended...

I have kept the display, and every time I see the roses, I consider what could have been and  remember the words spoken... the feeling of being involved and how it felt so right and good... the emotions were a lie. A big fat lie.

Every time I look at them, I fell the energy of the"let down" ... I let myself down. I let myself fall into the emotions webserver I knew the whole thing was only supposed to be sex...

I've gotten passed this...yet the energy remains...and I know burning the roses will be a wonderful way to release the negativity about relationships.

Every time I see the roses I am instantly reminded of every foiled relationship..I have grown passed this and need the energy gone...

And, so it is done...
With fire, air, water and sent to the sky..
Incense purge me, while the air folks me with NEW..

Releasing...
To be filled...