Friday, November 17, 2017

Timing

I will begin my Blog, again. Time has treated me well! I am married and we Bought a house!
I have many New insights to Share.! New Moon Ceremonies and ways to share the energy in words!

See you Soon!

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Layer by Layer

It is a damn onion peeling.
Layer by layer, I am revealed and becoming my authentic self.
I am pretty damn authentic in most areas except one. I have not opened up and gone past the BS surrounding my mother.
This is the one place where I am having heck of a time healing. I have a darkness in my heart about her. I have a sense of responsibility for her and I don't know why.

There was a time when she comforted me when comforting sounds until those sounds were replaced by her fear of upsetting my step-father. The woman emotionally bankrupted my soul, at an early age. I began with a deficit in the love department, so how the hell does a person give someone something they rarely ever received from their own mother.

I let her move in with me, in 2008. She irks me. She is my bane. I feel responsible for her well-being and yet, I have little emotional attachment to her. I do not ever feel the need or desire to hug her. Maybe I am pushing her sentimentality away because I never had it and I don't know how to feel those emotions from her.

She is a lost piece of art
A masterpiece unmade
The careful hand slipped
 And the dream lost
How does one shine
Where there is no love
How is the vision complete
While darkness settles within
She is unmade
She is waiting
Time has become dusty
Frail upon her heart
The clockwork ticks
Ever so slowly
She is unmade
A masterpiece Unborn

Every layer I peel, leads me back to her. To the place where fear and mistrust live. I don't want to feel this way and yet, I struggle. My light self battles my shadow self... and the shadow keeps winning...
I cannot love completely or be loved completely until I get beyond this. Until I face the onion peel and cry real tears, on her face. She knows she hurt me. I think?

I let THIS hold me back... because I do not face it head on.
I think what really irritates me, is HER. She hides out in her bedroom and does not ever talk about what her feelings are, except her damn want of a damn horse... or how tired she is because she had trouble drying her clothes ALL day. They are in the dryer. The dryer does the work. She cannot have a horse, because she does not have the money to own one. She cannot drive to her friends house, because she quit her job and does not have the money for gas...and, I think she blames me because I have her buy the food for the house with her SS money. I pay all the other bills... where else can she get that kind of deal? Rent and Utility free... cell phone free... How much better do I have to be?

She makes me feel like I am the villain. I am the bad guy. I do the wrongs in life.

I work 6 days a week. I take one day and make the day mine... 

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

A Meditation on Time~Kind of~

The last few days have been long. Perhaps, it has been the last couple of weeks~I have felt the wheel of time slow and could even hear the clinks of the movement...As if what is happening now, is a set point in my time here on this planet...unchangeable and a major determining point into my future. Fate is being written, now. Every decision being made is writing the path to the future and my place there. The web does not tangle, listen. There are pulses in life and pathways to take and answers to questions once thought unknown.
Walk softly as the wheels turn and listen to the movement time creates. Find your pathway back to love to the beginning where love is...

I sat in front of the fireplace, a warm fire blazing with candles and incense in the background. Music playing, light and simple, dancing to the beat of the flickering firelight. I connected to the here and now. The moment where the finite meets with the infinite. Sitting cross-legged and connected to the earth and sky I slowed my breathing and waited for just a moment to hear the sound of silence. The hum of life, the ring of life in my innner ear...there is where I focus my being.

I saw a large cavern, dark with a pool of clear spring water. I watch as I swim along the cavern pool. There is no darkness where I swim, for the light shines from within illuminating my way. The cavern walls are damp and there is an echo vibration and knowing of the deep. No fear. Only peace and enjoyment of the beauty in the moment. The water is clear, cold, warm and cleansing. The light shining from within my chest, illuminates the entire way, before and behind me.

While in the vision, I had a distinct awareness of my cat, playing with a rubber band beside me. I love my cat and my cat loves me. The feeling of love for this beast created an awareness of "love" in a Whole sense...The words form as a feeling, overwhelming me. The memory of love has the ability to be with you for all time. Love lives, always. Walk in your days in the memory of love. Those moments never end. Love continues to exist even when the time has passed. When you walk with love living within, the light shines. The energy resonates. The energy is remembered by all who see you. People will be drawn to you, to your light...as a moth to a flame...they will come...some will be burned, some will be overwhelmed by your light...some will take your light and create a new awareness of the light...and a few, very few will have the same light living within...Connect with this light and resonate together...Love is an awesome resonance. Seek the trail from the finite to the infinite and begin with simple memories. Trace them, one by one back to the source of your life and then you will find the ininite connection.

I felt the love of my cat and of past pets. The way I loved and cared for them and the security they had in me, to take care of them~I connected to the resonance~the feeling that I felt for them and traced the connection to a memory of love from my father. I was 8 years old and he was lying in a hospital bed, freshly diagnosed with terminal cancer. He looked at me with love, the first time I ever felt his love was close to his last days of living. I connected to the memory of his love and felt the life living in that moment. His love has never left me, not once...The energy of that moment will live, forever...

Here is where I cried from my soul. This is an ancient hurt, and ancient misunderstanding. I never felt loved by my father, until that moment when he knew he was going to die. I saw the sorrow in his eyes and the light of love, for me. For years, I remembered this moment and yet I never connected with it in a way to carry his love for me, with me. My father does love me, for always and it doesnt matter if the love is recognized for a moment or for many moments...the energy living in love never dies. His love has never died for me...Tho his body has decayed, his touch remains...His hands upon my shoulders holding me, while I cry...Wow...what a freaking revelation...seriously...not known...until it is felt...

and then I traveled the path, further...I felt the love for my siblings and then I connnected to my mother while I was in the womb. I recognize her connection and love to me...I traveled past the umbilical cord to her psyche and felt the warmth and softness of her love and even tho I was not aware...her love lives with me and walks with me in all the moments of my life. I connected to the time before my time in the womb and felt the expanse of the universe and the connection to the Spirit of Life and the moment of creation. The light of love that lives within is a part of the creation of the universe. I am never unloved and never alone. Love is always with me...I am alive with the caress of love from my father's eyes and the soft warmth of acceptance from my mom.

The message is here. You are never alone. Love lives within. Resonate with like resonating beings. Do not accept less than your resonance is...

It is easy to hold on to someone because for a moment they remind you of love. They feed your need for love, for a moment...seek not those momentary fixes...be with love always and the truth of the momentary fixes...shines through...You are worthy of the best...I am worthy of the best, knowing this...how can I keep settling for less?

Written December 22, 2011

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Beating Bleeding Heart

I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Big heart, beating loud and hard and often quaking
I am not afraid to love, not anymore.
I am finding, others are still afraid.

Afraid of LOVE.

I am not afraid to get to know a person
Know their quirks and qualities
Touch their soul and taste their lips
I am not afraid to send out love energy
This does not mean I am in love
Love energy is about being open to the possibility
Who knows, Will I fall in love?
I don't know
Will you fall in love?
I don't know
Love energy is about possibilities
Getting to know one another
Without fault or fear
Yeah, I know
There are things in my life
Which are frightening
Life engaging
Life taking
and yet, I am Whole
I am a whole person
Who loves to give
Who wants to give
Who wants to be an integral part of another's life
And vice versa

Don't be afraid to give love energy
Let not selfishness take root and grow
Do not let fear keep you in protection's guise
You will not be protected

Yeah, I have this big bleeding beating heart
Bleeding out love energy


Beating out love energy
Exhausted heart
My heart is exhausted
Tired

Art and words by 
Dona Lackey


Monday, January 5, 2015

Full Moon in Cancer




The 1st full moon of 2015 I stood outside at midnight under the moon.
Palo Santo wood burning as I released to the Full Wolf Moon.
Dancing in a circle
I saw my breath
Nose cold
The moon light shining bright
 I felt peace descend
Watched the colors dance around the moon
From gold to blue to red and back to gold again
I was touched by the light
As I released into the night.

I am a giving woman.
A healing kinda soul
I often place other's needs
In front
In place of my own.

This full moon teaches us to release patterns which no longer have a place in our lives.

I release the pattern of placing others needs before my own.
Shattering this way of being and rebuilding mySelf.

I will not become less caring
Less healing
I am
More aware of my needs
My healing

I release you.
The person I want
I release the energy belonging to you
To the ground
To the trees
To the wind
So that you live
In my life, my heart
Instead of in my head

Always seeking higher wisdom
Always seeking higher love
Remembering, I am in control of my happiness
I cannot control anyone else
We all have our place in life
And I am centering within my dark and light energies
To be me
I attract those who are to be
Within the light of my life

Love is a beautiful energy
I love without fear
I am breaking my age old pattern
Releasing
Releasing
So that I accept love
Without fear.




Thursday, December 11, 2014

Burning Fire

I cannot base my emotional need on humanity
See, I have this fire living within
     Burning
     Raging
     Wanting
     Seeking
This fire kills me, daily
I Burn to ashes
I Burn hard and fall down
Only to Rise again
I am not Brave
I have no choice, but to burn
Hot fire, burning me alive
Burning until there is nothing
Hot coals and ashes
I am never fully "out"
From the ashes, I Rise
Burning Coal in every limb
Standing there with fire, Raging
Don't touch me
Don't touch this living fire
Consuming, ever consuming
You must burn with me
To BE one with me
To Burn with me,
To Live.


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Surrender

Surrender to the quiet moment
As your breath empties
Surrender, before you inhale
And die a little death with me

Surrender to your passion
Listen to your heart, beat
Surrender to your breath
Find your path to me

I want to touch your face with my fingertips
Kiss the corner of your mouth
Feel your intoxicating breath
Against my face

I want to touch your face
With my thumb
While pulling you close
Closer to my heart
Crushing your lips against mine

Yeah, I want to touch your face
Surrender, I Surrender
I cannot ask for more
Than your soul is able to give

I want and ache and need
A soul to want and ache and need
To surrender, Surrender
Heart to heart
One to another.

I wait, in Surrender.