A Stone Thrown

Life is what we make happen
One action causes another reaction
Is the reaction positive or negative?
Are we in control?
Is nature the Divine Controller?

A pebble thrown into water
Causes a ripple
The ripple is further affected by debris
Or other material in the water
The ripple  could change course
Due to a number of reasons
As it is with life
Do not fear throwing the stone
Or skipping the rock
Let's see how many ripples we create!
Let life keep rippling!

OMG, These Runners

I remember the pulsing, sweaty, exciting and exhilarating running up the mountains in Arkansas. Heavy breathing and heart pounding in my head with the burn living under my skin and if I could push on, push on...I knew the sweat would pour from my scalp and down my nose as my breathing evened out. Freedom lives in the run. Yes. Freedom lives in the run.

Why am I so anxious?

Years have gone by and I have not run up a mountain. I have not actually RUN in years. I have joined a group of RUNNERS who are supportive to the beginners. Supportive to the Walkers.

Why am I so anxious?

Facing mySELF and  my inability to be successful in this realm is emotional. I lie down at night and my heart begins to race. Pounding hard against my chest, I breathe deeply and soon feel like I am hyperventilating. Sleep evades my night. I sit up and meditate. I cannot meditate when my heart is pounding.
STRIKE 2
I cannot sleep
I cannot meditate

OMmmmmmmm
OMmmmmmmm

NOT happening.

I am anxious. What if I hold someone back from a run?
What if I make someone feel like walking with me is mandatory?

STOP! Those are pretend conversations. Imagined FEARS. STOP!!!

Truth is, I cannot keep up. Not yet.
I don't like not being able to keep up. I don't like feeling like this.
And, I know.... the only way to be able to keep up is to be the one who cannot keep up.
Practice makes perfect, or at least better and knowing I must persevere does not make the anxiety go away.

Change Fucking hurts, dude.
Not the body. I can deal with the body changes.
The emotional changes are the most painful.

I don't want to fail.

I am envisioning a WereWolf. Once they go through the change, they are fine. The change is rough. Transitioning from human to wolf is bone breaking and mind numbing. Once the change is complete the wolf moves into graceful action. Graceful as a Gazelle or graceful as a Wolf hunting down a Gazelle.
 Ok...so, I watch too many of those sci-fi shows with my son and yet, the change is similar.

Do I have the guts to do the impossible?
Do I have the ability to make such a dramatic change and become the Wolf chasing the Gazelle?

I do not want to stand still while the world moves by.
I want to feel the transformation occur.
I want the thrill to enthrall me!

so....again....
Why am I so anxious?
At worst, I will become a runner.
At best, I will become a runner.

OMG, These Runners.....
yeah, one day...that will be me.

Heart Strings and The July Full Super Moon

New  massage client today. 
He walked in with a gray storm cloud hovering above his head. His muscle complaint, neck pain and stress. 
I sat at the head of the table and began sending my feelers, out... My fingers touching and feeling him. At the base of his skull and around to his collar bone... I knew him. A simple touch and I knew him. A gentle man who carries the weight of his world upon his shoulders and he has been failing. Life is beginning to tumble from his shoulders and trickle down affecting his peace of mind.

As I worked, I saw a short vision.. His heart pulsing and a deep dark red color.. Strings coming out of his heart seeking yet not connecting to anyone. One string deeply embedded within his heart.

He loves deeply. He is not connecting with anyone anyone right now. 
He is not allowing others to LOVE him. The one string deeply embedded within his heart is his love, for himself. He knows how to love. The stress in life keeps him from allowing people in his heart. 

I recognize this in him as he is a mirror to my soul. For many years, I did not let anyone love me. I told myself I was better off loving and not being loved. 

My heart strings floating 
Waving around and waiting
Going deeper and deeper within
Piercing my beating heart
Holding on to me
Holding on to me

In the vision, the string flowing out of the heart and reattaching, wounded the heart. Love is to flow out... We attach to other hearts and love flows back in. A Love self-sustained, damages the soul and wounds the interior. 

I am so happy to have seen this vision today. I no longer am a self-sustained lover. I am open to receiving love! 

This Full moon was in Capricorn... A time to know our own needs and be willing to receive what we want! 

My heart strings are waving hello! I am no longer wounding myself.

I accept love!

I accept all of my wants! 

I told my client of the vision. He recognized this as something he needs to work on. I am glad I was able to see this, today.  

Manifesting My Lover

What I want in my lover 
High sexual appetite
 Sexy...legs...eyes...hair
 Self-contained
 In love with me, the person 
Someone who makes real, the impossible 
A person who values me 
And accepts the value in return 
Must want to be involved with my family 
And involve me with family
 Must enjoy animals..lizards.. 
Must enjoy nature 
And the city refinement 
Must enjoy laughter and children 
Enjoy the arts and music 
Someone who isn't afraid of my disease
 I'm ready for my Knight 
I'm ready to be her...the one 
Have a desire to try new things and food 
Be adventurous 
And a home body 
Physically fit
 And who welcomes helping me attain my fitness goals

So... I will be reading this, daily... to manifest my Lover.